Yesterday I crashed the wedding of a footballer. What footballer you ask? Who cares – what I did was an outstanding example of humility.
I’m a traditionalist. Wedding’s are a sacred act – to have and to hold, to be faithful – it’s a promise not to be broken. But this footballer broke it. He shagged everything in his sights – he even considered a transvestite – anything his could get his filthy mitts on…I just could not let this farcical marriage go ahead.
Essential my act was exactly like that scene in that film (You know the one) “If anyone knows of any good reason for this couple not to be wed”…KABLAWO! “I do, he’s a serial shagger…he does not deserve the affection of this poor woman. Perhaps she has been brainwashed by him – she may be dazed by the constant flashing lights of paparazzi and the wealth of presents delivered to her on a daily basis”.
To my surprise – and dissatisfaction – nobody seemed to care. After a short pause a man stood to his feet, “well yeah, so does everyone…who is this guy?
The room erupted with laughter. I felt like crying; who are these people – these animals. Are they all in it together? Do they go round each other’s houses and partake in massive gang bangs, safe in the knowledge that getting married is essential a really expensive party for these nutters?
I then got ushered out, confused and distraught. Now, more than ever, I have lost all hope for all humankind.
I was NOT glad that I cashed the Wedding, now I fucking REGRET it! and guess what! True love DOESN’T last forever…THANKS Busted!
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